Animals of the Library...

      It seems the Hattiesburg Zoo and the library have gotten mixed up tonight. Actually, it doesn't seem like it. I am positive this has happened. To my left we have the dressed in boots with the fur hyenas, and yes, they are exactly as obnoxious Lion King depicts them. Ahead on the right is the parakeet exhibit, just squawking away for all the 4th floor to hear. With every zoo comes a zookeeper. Well, that's me. Once upon 20 minutes ago, I ventured into the hyena pit and calmly (my version of calm is everyone else's version of real angry) asked them to be quiet. Once upon 5 minutes ago, I asked the parakeets to shut up or leave. And now, we have a quiet library. Your welcome, residents of the 4th floor.
     Thanksgiving break. It consisted of my family (by family I mostly mean the families I created in the sims), my awful puppy, and some new books. I traveled back in time a bit to the 6th grade, when I preferred to play sims over interacting with real people. I enjoyed it. It's always nice to know that you have fake computer friends and families to live vicariously through.
     Oh, the animal that is living in our house. What a nightmare. She does whatever she wants, and there is nothing we can do about it. Except love her. Which we do exceptionally well.
     Now these books I got over thanksgiving break are fabulous. You'll Never Blue Ball in this Town Again, by Heather McDonald is just wonderfully cynical and hilarious. My favorite qualities. I have always felt that Heather deserves more credit than my dear friend Chelsea Handler gives her, and this book gives her plenty. However, this guilty pleasure read was just a teaser for the real deal book of my break.....

Kardashian Konfidential. 

Incredible. And I about cried when I saw it was a coffee table-esque book. I'm a sucker for a good coffee table book. Just when I think I couldn't want to be a part of this family anymore, they put out a book. I don't care if they are famous for just being famous, whatever they do, the Kardashians are good at it. If you can pull out your own baby, you pretty much have a free pass in life. Kardashian Konfidential has taken my obsession to a whole new level. And I love it. So mom, go adopt a kid between the ages of your other daughter and I so we can attempt to be the next Kardashians. 

     November 25th was Thanksgiving (just in case you didn't know).  The day when we are all so thankful for those greedy brits stealing the us of a from the indians. Sounds like a monumental event to celebrate. And we did. I had a very large accomplishment at thanksgiving this year: moving up from the kids table. That's right. I officially earned my right to sit at the big table. How did I earn it?  I turned 19. I always looked forward to the day I would no longer be a resident of the kids table. However, I have been tricked my entire life. I always thought the rule was if you were 14 you could move up. Then I turned 14, and still had a plate at the kids table. Then it was 16. Then I was 16, stuffing my face at, yes, the kids table. Then the rule was college. So I went to college, came home for thanksgiving, and yet again found my plate at the kids table. Then I became smart enough to realize that they were running out of kids to put at the kids table and they didn't want to get rid of the tradition. And it makes them feel younger. So family, I'm glad you could hold onto your youth while I was suffering away at the kids table. 

Some highlights of Thanksgiving dinner/lunch include:

- Anna Grace playing the trumpet. 

- Sharing stories of our memories at the kids table

- Anna Grace informing grandmother that she needs to invest in life alert

- Family wide facebook stalking

- My clever noticing that the saints vs. cowboys game was more importantly a match-up against Kim K's ex- lovers. 

     Speaking of TV, say hello to my new career. I gave up on bringing peace to the former Soviet Union, and officially became a broadcast journalism major today. So far, my future is looking bright. I'm now one step closer to becoming Chelsea Handler's bff. Or meeting the Kardashians. Either is completely possible. My inspiration for this life change came from one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen, Morning Glory. However, if you ask Stephanie Lee how she feels about this movie she will tell you it was hilarious. Then she should proceed to laugh the way she did in the movie. Then no one would talk to her. Anyways, this movie is about a girl who is a producer or something. And then I was inspired. I love TV. Probably more than anyone in the world. And I love fake stuff, which is TV. So, E! network, get ready. I'll see you in a few years. In the meantime, tell my friends Chelsea and the Kardashians that I say hello. Now I've got to go tame the library. The animals are getting rowdy. 

Thanksgiving = Before Christmas

    This world is very very confused. Someone needs to set it straight. I volunteer. IT IS THANKSGIVING SEASON. CHRISTMAS= AFTER NOVEMBER 25. Everyone can go put their christmas decorations and music back into creepy dark closets. We should give thanks before we ask for presents. If the next week is christmas free it would be as good as christmas. Starbucks and Just Friends are the only things that are allowed to be christmassy before thanksgiving. Why? Because a peppermint mocha frappuccino with no whip cream is good anytime. Starbucks just doesn't know that. And nothing is better than Ryan Reynolds' cynicism mixed with a girl who meows and growls. Both are winners.
     Let's talk about a rather unfortunate segment of my existence: life without twitter at my fingertips. Since I'm currently the proud mother of the Motorola Dinosaur Edition (sans camera, sans inbox capacity over 50), I am lacking twitter. However, I have made some conclusions from my time away. It appears that life has slowed down on tweetable events. By tweetable events, I mean things involving cats, witches, pink barbie mustangs, levitating boy in philosophy class, and knitting girl. So thanks, world, for holding off on the finer things in life until I can one day share it with the world. I appreciate it.
     Life right now goes something like this: staring at a chemistry book and realizing that everything I look at will never connect with my brain. Then I get distracted by Chelsea Handler and all of her cleverness. Then, I realize that chemistry would be pointless if I were Chelsea Handler. So I convince myself that it's okay that I don't know chemistry if I want to be the next Chelsea. Then everything is okay in life. Then 30 minutes later Chelsea Lately is over, and my fantasy quickly disappears. Then all I am left with is this chemistry book that talks about spdfnlm. Then I get sad, but I know that in an hour Chelsea will be on again, and I can repeat the process. This is my version of real life.
     Sarah Palin's Alaska. Good stuff. If you let your kid get within 10 feet of fighting grizzly bears, then you are the best mom ever. Nothing else to it. And climbing the highest peak in NORTH AMERICA (Sarah emphasized North America a whole bunch) is just another day. I kinda want to be an Alaskan. Sarah Palin, you keep on being the coolest mom in NORTH AMERICA.

Dear mothers at high school football games:

     My sole reason to come home: sister was cheering with the varsity cheer team for the last home game. Being the good sister that I am (and maybe wanting to relive my ghs cheerleading days), I decide to trek home for the event. Much to my discontent, all they did was do a few cheers. No fancy stunts, no tumbling. And I couldn't even see them. Yet, the GHS football game did not cease to entertain me.
     High school football parents. The level of accepted obnoxiousness varies. If your kid is playing, it's okay to get excited. Really, it is. If your kid goes to high school, it's okay to clap a bit. If your kids are long gone, it really isn't okay to show your face. However, most people don't understand these rules. Most people being the people sitting in front of me on that glorious night. These women. They needed to get a life. You don't have kids in high school. Your kids graduated years ago. You graduated in '79 (they told me. I didn't ask). You didn't sit down the entire game. You knew everything there was to know about the 250+ students in the GHS band. I hope you feel accomplished, woman. I just felt annoyed. Also, don't ask me what year I graduated then look astonished that I'm not as in touch with the happenings at gulfport high as you are. I really don't care. You however clearly do. Thanks, football game attending moms (not football moms. that would imply they had a reason to be there), for showing me everything I aspire not to be.
    What is time spent in gulfport without los tres amigos. I wouldn't know the answer. I had los tres for dinner last night. Tonight I'm having los tres takeout. This shows that I like to stock up on my mexican when I am home, and how I have gotten progressively lazier over the weekend. True life.
     As previously mentioned, I become a carpool service when I am in town for more than 1 hour. This stands true. 2 hours of my day were spent carting kids to soccer games. They don't even play soccer. This is also true, because we went to 3 different soccer fields to find the games. Reasons why you shouldn't go to soccer games if you don't play.
    Clearly, I am sitting at home on a saturday night typing my meaningless thoughts about the world. Even more clearly, I love it. Coming home and doing absolutely nothing is a wonderful life. That is, until I have to bring sister and crew a plethora of places.